Email Do’s and Don’ts for Children

I got my first email address in college.  I think it was for CS 21, an Algorithms and Data Structures class at Brown, with the late Professor Kanellakis. Email wasn’t very useful then. After all, not many people—that I knew—had email addresses in the mid-1980s, and anybody who did was probably just a few Apollo nodes away in the computer lab.

My daughter, on the other hand, says that she is ready for her first email address now, in 5th grade.  Several of her friends got their first email address last year, which has led to many a discussion that begin with the old saw, “It doesn’t matter what other families do.” Haven’t we all heard that line before.

My philosophy is this: 

While email is a wonderful and convenient way to communicate, it’s also a responsibility, something that’s always on your todo list. How many times have you said, “I need to catch up on my email” or “I’m so behind on mail.” Plenty, I suspect. I don’t want her to carry that burden, yet.

But it’s inevitable: middle school is just around the corner. At some point, she is going to have an email address. And when she does, I want her to have a playbook. Sure, children learn by making their own mistakes, but remember, many of us had our first email address in college, not in middle school!

So here’s my first draft of Email Do’s and Don’ts for my children. What do you think?

1. Never send an email when you’re angry. Write it if you must, but save it as a draft, for later. And then revise it—or delete it—when you’ve calmed down.
2. When drafting a sensitive email, make sure that the To and Cc lines are empty until you are ready to send it. You don’t want to accidentally send a message that is incomplete or half-written; it might hurt someone’s feelings or make you look foolish.
3. Before you send, check your To/Cc lines carefully:  are you sending the email to the right people? Many of us have forwarded an email to exactly the wrong person. Talk about wanting to hide under a table. This is a mistake worth avoiding.
4. Don’t send anything in email that you wouldn’t want on the front page of the newspaper. One of the recipients could accidentally—or deliberately—forward your message, or post it on their facebook page or blog. Email is not the place for sharing your secrets. Nor for gossip.
5. If it’s a difficult message, pick up the phone instead. I’ve drafted countless emails, only to realize how easily the message could be misunderstood. In those cases, pick up the phone.  Or, send an email that says you’d like to talk in person and setup a time.
6. In most cases, short and sweet is better than an essay. Either you choose what people read, or they choose what portion of your email to read.
7. Don’t include passwords or other confidential items in email. This goes for your mother’s credit card number as well!
8. USING ALL CAPITAL LETTERS makes it seem like you are YELLING. Don’t use capital letters, unless yelling is appropriate.
9. Make your Subject lines count. Some people decide whether to read your email, or not, based on the Subject line.
10. Don’t forget to call your friends. Remember: the phone is way more personal. Hands down. It’s not just tone of voice, it’s the ability to interact in real-time and to use more of your senses to communicate.